Pastor A

“Marriage should war incessantly against a monster that is the ruin of everything. This is the monster of custom.“  Honore de Balzac

There is much, much truth in this quote. People take others for granted. For many people being married is like being tenured in your job: you let things slide and start taking things for granted. I do not believe in tenure – not for teachers or anyone else. I think tenure is a license for laziness. And I believe a tenured marriage is one that is doomed. The moment you take anything for granted you become lazy.

Just walk down the street and check out the couples. Look at the couple who were college sweethearts: she was the cheerleader and he was the jock. Now, she is still cute and fit and he has a belly that covers his belt buckle because he is forty pounds overweight. He is now taking his cute little wife for granted. He may love her, may be a great father, but takes it for granted she still finds him appealing even though he has the body shape of the shape of the Hindenburg.

It works both ways; he does his best to maintain a healthy physique and look good, but she has become dumpy, has gray roots, rarely wears makeup, and thinks getting dressed up means putting on a clean pair of sweats. She has become lazy and takes her husband for granted. I could list a dozen similar situations you would instantly recognize, and you could probably do a quick analysis of your friends and know exactly what I am talking about. Maybe you could even look at your own marriage and do the same.

But like most, you would use excuses like having to work hard, taking care of the kids, and being tired as reason you do not really take care of yourself the way you used to. Sorry, but that really does not fly. If you really cared, you would do what it took to be your very best for your spouse. Not out of obligation or custom or tradition, but out of a desire to constantly renew your love each and every day! It baffles me that if you had a job interview, you would clean-up, dress-up, have your hair done, nails done, perfect make-up, work out at the gym, buy a new outfit, whatever you felt was needed to impress; however, that thinking left years ago when it comes to your marriage… hmmm???

I actually heard a man say this in South Carolina, “What do I care if I don’t look as good as I used to, I already caught me a wife?” Caught a wife? Is she a bass you are not going to throw back? You think once you have a wife, or a husband for that matter, you no longer have to be your best and look your best for them? If you honestly think that, then prepare yourself for a lackluster marriage.

Now don’t get the wrong idea; yes, I have just used “looks” as an example. But this example applies to all aspects of marriage. When you were dating, did you open the door for your wife? Then you still need to be doing it. When you were dating and first married, did you greet him in the morning with a cup of coffee while he shaved for work? Then you still need to be doing it. Did you rub her feet after a hard day? Then you still need to be rubbing her feet. Did you compliment each other? Then do it now. Did you talk about the other’s day, or their dreams, or desires, or fantasies, or aspirations, or goals? Then you better do it again. If you do not DO these things – and believe me, this is a skimpy list used only for example – then you are lazy and taking your spouse and your relationship for granted.

Do you have some changes that need to be made?  Don’t try today; DO today!

The failed marriage statistics are staggering in this country. Half of all of them do not work and end in divorce. These statistics are greatly skewed as there are now more people living together to “see if it will work” and break things off when they don’t. Those statistics are not included in the 50% failure rate.

The only way to have a happy, fulfilling marriage is to have one that is happy moment by moment. You can plan to be happy 10 or 20 years from now with your current relationship, but you may end up severely disappointed. You must decide (right now) that you will have a great marriage. It is a moment by moment choice that you choose to put the energy and effort to making your marriage work.

The best relationships and marriages renew themselves constantly. They do not always focus on the future. They do not put so much stock in the past. Instead, they focus on right now! They put their energy into enjoying every second of what they have together at this moment. Several years ago I watched my dad as he was in the final stages of his life and I witnessed the great love that my mother had for my father – in that moment! She tenderly took care of my dad – moment by moment. My mom and dad were as strong as they had ever been in their entire life in those final days of my dad’s life. They chose to be lovingly devoted to each other. It was a beautiful picture of a relationship that was constantly renewing itself.

Call your spouse right now and tell them how much you love him/her! Renew yourself right now. Don’t focus on the past and all of its mistakes or even good times. Don’t live in the past. Don’t focus on the future and what it might hold. Focus on right now.

Don’t try today; DO today!

People love to talk about how stressed out they are. I’ve heard these:

“Life is just so stressful.” “My kids are stressing me out.” “The holidays are such a stressful time.” “I just can’t; I’m so stressed.” “My boss causes so much stress.” “My wife/husband stresses me to no end.” On and on it goes!

Don’t ever waste a dime of your hard-earned money to attend a stress management seminar. Why would you want to learn how to manage something you do not need at all?

Having worked in the business world and served in ministry, I’ve learned this lesson regarding stress: Stress comes from knowing what is right and doing what is wrong!

Mark this down and remember it. Make a list of what stresses you. Regardless of what you wrote down, you know the right thing to do about each thing on your list. In fact, you have probably known for a good long while what you should do. You simply have not done it.

The problem is that you are either doing nothing or you are doing the wrong thing. That is what is causing the stress. It is not the things you wrote down that are causing the stress at all. It is that you know the right thing to do about them and are not doing it.

For instance, you most likely wrote or thought of a person in your life that stresses you beyond measure. Maybe it was your spouse, one of your children, a fellow employee, or who knows. You know what you ought to do about that person. You need to apologize to them. You need to forgive them. You need to tell them that you love them.  Regardless of the action you need to take, know that the person is not the cause of the stress. It is caused by you not doing what you know is the right thing to do. The lack of correct action is the culprit.

Don’t try today; DO today!

So how do you read a book? In addition to my daily Bible reading, I’ve also been able to conquer four complete books and am reading four more at the same time. Reading is food for the mind! Television turns your brain to mush! You decide! Here are some tips I’ve discovered in reading a book…

1. If at all possible, buy the book. Libraries are great resources for reference material and for fiction you do not care about keeping after you read the book. But when you are investing in a book that has life-changing information in it (things that you will refer to over and over again) you need to buy the book. If you simply cannot afford to buy the book, then go to the library and check it out. Try a store like Bookmans that may have it cheaper as a used book.
2. If the book is yours, mark it up. Write your name in it. Get a highlighter and mark the parts that say something to you. Make margin notes. When you have finished the book, go to the back of the book and on one of the blank pages write the date and then a comment of what you learned or thought of the book. I love to see books that have been marked up – it shows that it was read!
3. Tell everyone what a great book you are reading. This will reinforce what you are learning. It is also a great way to boost your own ego because it is doubtful they have read any books recently so you can be proud and brag that you have. Plus, it might encourage them to buy a book and read it. How impressed are you to hear that someone sits around and watches Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy every night? I AM impressed when I hear of someone who just finished a book!
4. Do not loan anyone your books… generally speaking. “But isn’t that selfish?” If point #2 is valid then how can you loan out your books? Actually you are doing others a huge favor. If you loan someone your book then you deprive him/her of the privilege of marking the parts that mean something to him/her, therefore diminishing the impact the book will have on his/her life. Plus, you probably will not get the book back. (I am missing three books that I loaned out and it is driving me crazy – I cannot remember who I loaned them to, yet, the space on my bookshelf reminds me that I did it!) Instead of loaning your books, buy a book for someone else! This is a sign of your generosity and exhibits your giving nature and inflicts on the other person a sense of obligation that might encourage them to actually read the book.
5. Buy lots of books. “But that costs lots of money.” You probably spent money on an impulse-buy that now you kick yourself over. How much junk is in our houses that has never helped us in any manner – ever been to a yard sale! Go to the bookstores to browse and when a book title speaks to you, buy it – even if you do not have time to read it right now. Have a “to be read” shelf: a stack of books just waiting to be read. Always have a few books waiting on you.
6. Read several books at the same time. I have books I take on the airplane when I know I have a few hours of uninterrupted time. I also have books by my bed I use to relax me and help me to fall asleep. I have books full of quotes and very short chapters, which I read when I only have a few minutes. I have a book in the bathroom. I have books that cover heavy subjects that I read when my mind is wide awake and can focus well. I have books that are light and do not require a great deal of concentration. Have a variety of books available that fit the time, the place, and your mood.
7. Do not hesitate to stop when you find yourself in the midst of a bad book. You may get 25 pages into a book and decide it is not saying anything to you. Put it down and get another. Remember, reading is food for the mind. If the food is bad; don’t eat it!
8. Read for different reasons. Your Bible should feed your spiritual soul. Other books are for you to learn. Read to lift your spirits. Read for pure entertainment. Any book is better than most television – unless Duke is playing basketball; otherwise, READ.

Don’t try to read today; DO read today!

On the average, people spend about 100 hours a year reading. Yet they spend nearly 2,000 hours a year watching television. Forty hours a week in front of the one-eyed monster and only two hours a week looking at something with words on it – how can this be?

According to the American Booksellers Association:

• Eighty percent of Americans did not buy or read a book last year.
• Seventy percent of American adults have not been in a bookstore in the last five years.
• Fifty-eight percent of American adults never read a book after high school – astounding!
• Forty-two percent of university graduates never read another book.

Another study reports only 14 percent of our society would go into a bookstore or a library and actually walk out with a book. And only 10 percent of those people would read past the first chapter.

On nearly every corner there seems to be one of those mega-bookstores with a coffee shop and music inside. So how can it be that no one is reading? Well, it is true that book sales are at an all time high. More people than ever are buying books. They are just not reading them. Actually I think many people go to bookstores just for the coffee.

According to USA Today, 43.6 percent of all American adults read below the seventh grade level. And did you know that over half of all high school graduates could not read their own graduation diplomas or even fill out a simple application for employment? How pitiful.

Want to have some fun? Ask people you know to name the last five books they have read. If they can name one or two it will be amazing. While this may seem cruel, it will be great fun for you. Then, ask them which book they are currently reading. I would imagine that nine out of ten are not reading anything. By the way, this is a clue for you: Do not hang around people who do not read!

Don’t try to read today; DO read today!

We are taught in God’s Word that we have been created in God’s image. And while I believe that to be true, we do everything in our power to live in direct opposition to this biblical fact. Because we are also told in God’s love letter to us that God is Love. If God is Love and we are created in God’s image, then why are we so judgmental? and mean? and conniving? and manipulative?

Quite simply, it stems from the fact that we are sinful humans. However, many people worship a god who is judgmental, mean, conniving, and manipulative. This means they have created a god in their own image instead of the other way around. People today look for a way to justify their judgmental and manipulative ways so they create a god who is that way in order to justify their thinking and behavior.

When is the last time you just loved someone? God is Love! Do you remember the song that you learned in Sunday school?

Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world. Red and yellow, black and white, They are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world.

We sang that when we were little and smiled and believed every word of it. Then we grew up and decided that it was okay for Jesus to love the little children but not cool for us to do it. Actually, that is not entirely true. It was okay for us to love the little children who were red and yellow, black and white, but then we had to deal with the reality that the little children grow up. And loving those grown men and women who are red and yellow, black and white… well, that is another story. Anyone can love a child, but big old ugly adults, especially adults who are a different color, are hard to love sometimes.

Maybe today we should stop to consider that it was the love of Jesus for ALL of us that drove him to the cross to be slain as a sheep so that we might experience an eternal life that will allow us, who receive Him as personal Savior, to live with all people who are red, yellow, black, and white.

Don’t try to love today; DO today!

“When you have finished your day, be done with it. Never save any of your load to carry on the morrow. You have done your best, and if some blunders and errors have crept in, forget them. Live this day and every day as if it all may end at sunset, and when your head hits the pillow, rest, knowing that you have done your best.“  Og Mandino, The Greatest Saleman in the World

Everyone makes mistakes; everyone. It is what we do. When you figure out how to live without making a mistake, know you are dead.

We all make mistakes and we all have problems. No one is exempt. Problems are to be expected. It is okay to have a problem, just do not wallow in it.

“But Brent, I have real problems to deal with!”

Sure you do. I understand you have problems. I do, too. We all do. I do not want to hear about yours any more than you want to hear about mine. Neither does anyone else. And it will not do you one bit of good to go on and on about them. I get it – we all have problems!

BUT – if we would only stop to consider and ponder the fact that our problems are primarily a result of the choices we have made in life. We have created the mess that we are in so we either need to live with it or fix it. But whatever you do, do not complain about it.

If you have made a mistake, do not waste time beating yourself up over it. Just realize you have made certain choices that have brought you to where you are. You need to examine the choices you have made, learn from those decisions, and then make new choices in order to go in a different direction.

I’m so very, very thankful that the Lord has already forgiven us our poor choices and decisions. He even tells us He is faithful and just to forgive but also He cleanses us from our wrong choices (sin). Maybe we need to quote this thought each and every day:

As of today, I admit that my life is the result of my thoughts, my beliefs, my words, and my actions. With God’s enabling power, I will allow Him to change my life by changing my thoughts, my beliefs, my words, and my actions.

People love to wallow in their problems. That is why we have support groups full of people who want to wallow with us. We like to retell the problem, cry about it, hash it, rehash it, talk about it, think about it, analyze it, become introspective of it, meditate on it, write about it, journal it… everything but fix it and move on!

“Are you trashing my support group?” Have I been unclear here? Yes! I am. Folks, everyone messes up (the Bible calls this sin). Admit it! Take responsibility for it, fix it, get over it, and move on to the next chapter that God has for you.

If you are part of a support group where everyone gets together and wallows in the misery of each other’s problems, then get out that group now! Dump the whiny losers in your life and find real, godly, iron-sharpening-iron friends. In other words, find a real support group – a local, loving church family!

Don’t try today; DO today!

You say you love your family. Okay. I believe you. Well, sort of. Almost. Okay, not really. Permit me to explain my doubt.

Do you love your family enough to get healthy? Do you love your family and yourself enough to do whatever it takes to live as long as you can so you can take care of them and enjoy them?

Oh, I see, you love them but just not quite enough to give up cigarettes. This past Sunday morning I stopped to get my daily, very healthy, unsweetened, green tea with light ice drink on my way to the church. One of the baristas that works at the Starbucks I stopped at was outside smoking. I asked him why was he smoking? “Oh it is just something I’ve done since I was a teenager, ” he said. I said, “Do you realize you are reducing your life?” “Yea, I know, I really need to quit.”

Experts tell us that every cigarette a person smokes shortens their life between 10 and 14 minutes. They came up with that figure, not me. Therefore, I ask, what could you do in 14 minutes? Could you play catch with your son? Could you hug your little girl? Could you spend incredible time with your spouse? Could you laugh together, play together, or just enjoy being together? Think about the last time you really had fun with your family. Remember the very best part of the day and realize that time might have lasted only 14 minutes. Would you give up those 14 minutes in order to smoke a cigarette? You would trade that wonderful time just to light one up? I hope not. Yet every day you smoke, you shorten your life and deny yourself and your family the fun and love you share together.

Now a word to those who are lazy in their eating habits… is that Twinkie more important to you than your kids? Did you really need to super-size the fries? Are you willing to die for those fries? Overweight people die quicker than fit people. And even if they do not die, their quality of life suffers because they are overweight. Is a diminished life evidence of your love?

Heart disease and cancer are the number one and number two killers in our society. Yet they are both diseases primarily chosen to be experienced because people are not willing to stop smoking, stop grazing like cows, and stop sitting on their backsides while glued to their computer or TV.

How can you look your family in the eye and tell them that a cigarette or the fettuccine alfredo is more important to you than they are? Can you really do that? Well, you really do do that every time you light up and every time you choose to eat that which is not healthy for you. You do not use words to say it; you use a fork or a pack of smokes, but the message is still very clear.

Hopefully, instead of anger or frustration over reading the truth, you might pause and consider those who you love and love you. Start making wise choices today.

Don’t try today; DO today!

Good Tuesday Morning… five more tips for your weight, diet, and health:

11. Willpower is totally overrated. Most of the time I do not have much; I admit it. I have a problem saying “no” to the things I enjoy. Denial is just not my style. Indulgence with that DQ Butterfingers blizzard or Culver’s mixer is more my style. I imagine that is true for most who take the time to read my blog. Here is what does work for me: lack of opportunity. Do not have things that are not good for you available for easy access. Do not fill your cabinet with cookies and then try to deny yourself. When eating at a restaurant, ask the waiter not to leave the breadbasket or not to leave the dessert menu. Remove the temptation. The other night I told Shelli that I sure wish we had some oatmeal cream pies. To my surprise, Shelli told me that she had some and where they were located in our kitchen. She had a secret stash of goodies that I did not know about; unfortunately, I ate three of the oatmeal cream pies. She will have to find a new hiding place, for the temptation is too great for me!!!

12. When you stop for gasoline, go to a “pay at the pump” station. That way you will not be tempted to buy a soda or candy bar or bag of potato chips when you go inside to pay.

13. Drink lots and lots of water. Carry a bottle of water with you all of the time. It will fill you up and keep your system flushed. This is especially important when eating out. Always ask for a glass of water and drink it before you order. Fill up a little so you will not be quite as hungry when you order. Keep the drinking water throughout the meal. Listen folks, drinking sweet tea and soda with your meal will only set you back every single time you do it. You can eat right all day long but if you continue to drink the sugared drinks you are just defeating your purpose in your attempts to do right.

14. This is delicate but nonetheless needs to be said – stop lying to yourself and everyone else. You do not have a glandular problem. The percentage of people in the world who actually have one is so small they do not even count. And you are not “big boned.” Your frame may be larger than others but your bones are not the problem; the poor choices you make IS the problem. And do not say, “My family is heavy; we are just heavy people.” That is no excuse. There is a very high probability that your problem is not hereditary; it is however, the choices you make. You may have grown up thinking this lifestyle of grazing every time you sit down is normal. You may even think that putting gravy on cereal is normal. However, the bottom line is that if we want to be healthier, fit, and more useful for the serving our Master, we must make better choices in our diet and with our exercise. Period!

15. Turn off the TV! Get up off the couch and DO something. Walk, ride a bicycle, or walk your dog – DO something. It does not take a gym or any fancy equipment. It takes movement!

There you have it! 15 ways you can make a difference for YOU, your health, and your ability to feel better about yourself. It is all within your reach. It may take some time to accomplish your goal. However, you MUST start today. Don’t put off until tomorrow that which you can do today. It is beautiful here in Tucson today. Don’t try today; DO today!

As we continue with yesterday’s thought regarding our choices with our diet, exercise and health, let’s examine five more thoughts:

6. When you lose a little weight, go buy something new to wear that makes you feel like a million bucks. You will be very reluctant to gain the weight back to the point you cannot wear your new purchase.

7. Do not think think fat; do not think fit. If fact, do not think. If you focus on your weight, it will become an obsession and make you hungry or make you have angst about what you could have done or should be doing or have eaten or did not eat or ate too much of. (I don’t think that was a sentence filled with good grammar). At any rate, simply do what you know is right. Period. The weight will take care of itself.

8. Do not beat yourself up for slipping. If you are absolutely going crazy for pizza, then eat it. And enjoy it completely. Then adjust tomorrow and the next day. Just do not go crazy very often. Little indulgences should never become regular occurrences.

9. Find an accountability buddy to eat with; not an overweight buddy though. Don’t have a buddy who will tempt you with fattening food or take you places you know you should not be. Instead, eat with someone who shares your common goal and will encourage you to eat right.

10. When you are hungry, stay away from places like the food court at the mall or the grocery store. If you need to go out and you know it is to a place where you will be tempted, then drink a huge glass of water before you go to help fill yourself up. HUGE TIP OF THE DAY: Grocery shopping when you are hungry is just plain ole dumb! Never, ever go grocery shopping on an empty stomach; otherwise, you will ALWAYS buy food that is not healthy for you and you will ALWAYS spend more money than you should have spent. Eat a great meal and then go shopping and you will be amazed at all the things you did not need to buy that you would have purchased on an empty stomach.

Okay, five more tips for guarding your weight, diet, and health.

Don’t try today; DO today!