Pastor A

For those who work in the business world, allow me to say that love is even a part of your world, consider:

LOVE IS THE KEY TO BUSINESS SUCCESS

Love your customers and you will do your very best to serve them well. You will operate honestly in all ways and with integrity. You will price your products and services fairly. You will treat your co-workers with respect. Selling from a motive of love will assure you of reaching your quota. Leading because you love your people will cause them to follow you better than any other tool or tactic. Love will keep the appearance of your business at its best. You will do all of these things because you love what you do and love the people you do it for and do it with. This love will be rewarded. Your customers will reciprocate by loving to do business with you.

Someone has said, “Love is the law of God. You live that you may learn to love. You love that you may learn to live. No other lesson is required of man.”

There is certainly an element of truth in this quote. Solomon said to fear God and keep His commandments. One of God’s commandments is that we love God with all of our heart, soul, and mind. Then, we are to love others! May this resonate today as you consider your relationships with the other people in your life.

Don’t try today; DO today!

“There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer. There is no disease that enough love will not heal. No door that enough love will not open. No gulf that enough love will not bridge. No wall that enough love will not throw down. And no sin that enough love will not redeem. It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble. How hopeless the outlook. How muddled the tangle. How great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. And if you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful person in the world.”   Emmet Fox

Love can heal any hurt and fix any problem. Love is it! Here are some key thoughts.

LOVE WHAT YOU DO

When you love what you do, you will become excellent at it. The more excellent you are at what you do, the more you will be rewarded to do it. Therefore, loving what you do in the key to your personal compensation. In addition, when you love what you do, you will he happier, more confident, healthier, and a joy to be around. Others will want to be around someone that loves what they do.

LOVE THOSE YOU DO IT FOR

This means the company you work for as well as the customer who ultimately receives your service. If you do not love the company you work for, then you will not give them your best and will end up cheating them and yourself by withholding the best you have to offer.

Sometimes, businesspeople will pray for customers, and then when they show up they say, “Lord, I didn’t mean them!” But those customers, even the ones who drive you crazy, deserve your love. Only by loving them enough to serve them well, will you ultimately be rewarded with either their business or their appreciation of you.

LOVE OTHERS

When you love others, sincerely caring about them, then you will serve them in an ultimate way. You will show respect, treat them with courtesy, listen to them, encourage them, comfort them, and give them your best. Then all who come in contact with you will want to do the same for you. They will want to extend to you the same love in the same way you have shown them your love. Can you imagine the life you would lead if all who came in contact with you wanted to give you the very best they had to offer? Then, love others the way you want to be loved! It is your choice.

Don’t try today; DO today!

Teenagers are such an anomaly they get their own blog today. Teenagers are obnoxious, rude, self-absorbed, spoiled, and pretty much disgusting creatures. Have you been in a teenage bedroom lately? There is no known cure, except time =) Now certainly my comments do not apply to your angelic teen… just everyone else.

I have had or do have teenagers! I am a qualified “expert” on the topic of teenagers. Expert, as in I have yet to figure out this entire seven year span in the life of my children. However, I’ve learned a few lessons in dealing with teenagers:

• Love is truly spelled T-I-M-E.
• Teenagers do not need mom and dad to be cool; they need mom and dad to be a consistent, faithful example.
• Puppy love is real for the puppy.
• Teenagers do NOT need every new electronic gadget that hits the market; they do need time with mom and dad.
• The evening meal should be in the kitchen/dining room - not in the bedroom or living room.
• The parent should be the same at church as at home – ouch! I’ve counseled dozens of teenagers who say they do not recognize the person at church. Don’t pretend to be one thing at church while your children know who you are at home. You will lose your children and all respect that they might have toward church and God if you live your life this way.
• Your teenager should have assigned responsibilities in the home: garbage, dishes, laundry, pooper scooper, vacuuming, cleaning, etc. Don’t pay your teenager to do natural responsible chores around the house.
• You must teach your teenager HOW to be an adult: cooking, ironing, paying bills, managing money, working, etc.
• Every parent should take his teenager on a mission trip and serve together for a week to ten days. It will cement the relationship for a lifetime. Allow your teenager to see you serving others in a difficult environment.
• Don’t give your teenager everything he wants; you CANNOT buy his/her love! Some of the best parent/teenage relationships are those who actually come from a poorer home where the parent and teenager spend time together.
• Don’t demand perfection from your teenager; last time I checked, there have been no perfect parents.
• Know where your teenager is at all times; know their friends; know what the activity is going to be; and be willing to say, “No, you are not going to do that!”
• Never punish your children by withholding them from a church or youth activity – it sends the complete wrong message. Take their phone, car, or computer privileges away if discipline is warranted.
• You do not need to spank your teenager! Spanking is for the younger, formulative years where you are trying to break the will. BTW, if you failed to do this as your child was growing up – I feel sorry for you during the teenage years.
• It is still okay to make your teenagers wear their clothes correctly – pull those britches up and maintain a haircut! Your teenager does not need body piercings and tattoos. In fact, if you are modeling and ensuring the correct friendships, this should not even be a problem in your home.
• Dad – keep an Internet filter on your computer!
• Dad – let your children hear YOU pray. It is a manly thing to do.
• Dad – include your children in your hobbies and be interested in their hobbies.
• Talk to your children about politics – don’t allow CNN, MSNBC, CBS, or ABC to dictate what your child believes. When you say Obama is a terrible President (and he is), then explain to your children the “why” he is most likely the worst President this country has ever known. Explain his radical social agenda and why we as believers cannot in a clear conscience vote for a man that represents such evil for Christianity. They need to hear this from you…
• Set up a checking account for your teenager and help him/her balance a checkbook and write checks.
• Teach your teenager to tithe and give offerings. Allow them to see that you do it.
• Don’t complain about church in front of your teenagers – their minds are impressionable and unknowingly you can turn their mind against the things of God.

Oh, I have more thoughts but I’ve hit the 700 word limit…

Please do not expect perfection from your children; they are not perfect. Your children will not always make perfect grades or perfect decisions. Always implore your children to do their best and you help them do their best. Here is a short list of practical advice that can make your home a much happier place:

1. If you have little bitty children, sit on the floor a lot. Communicate at their level. Even today with the children at our church, I will get down on one knee so that I can look at them eyeball to eyeball. It makes a difference.
2. Take your children to a Bible teaching/preaching church that does not sugarcoat but actually teaches and preaches. I know of one in Tucson if you need help. HOWEVER… if you are going to take your children to church, make sure you live the same at home as you present yourself at church. We are losing too many children due to the hypocritical influences of the parent’s double-standard living.
3. Teach your children about money… how to earn it, save it, invest it, spend it, and give it away.
4. Hug more; nag less.
5. Show your children affection even after they think they are too big for it.
6. Never lie to your children and never tolerate any lies from them.
7. Encourage your children to develop their own uniqueness. Do not mold their personalities. Let the personality that God created them to be flourish.
8. Do not make a donkey of yourself at their sporting events.
9. Allow your children to make their own mistakes and to suffer the consequences. The lesson is in the consequences.
10. Your children need love more than stuff.

Bonus: Your children’s teacher, youth pastor, boss, or authority is most likely telling you the truth. Don’t be so quick to come to the fierce defense of your “perfect angelic” child!

Parents, you must love your children enough to discipline them. A lack of discipline demonstrates a lack of love for your children. Be consistent in your discipline and make the punishment fit the “crime.” In other words, there will be times when a spanking is appropriate, standing in a corner is appropriate, or sitting in time out is appropriate. And please, please, please do it privately. Do not scream or smack your child in front of the rest of us. It is embarrassing to your child and to all who have to witness it.

Having said that, DO make sure that you discipline every time that discipline is required. That means that there will be many times that you need to excuse yourself, with your child, and go to a quiet place and discipline them. Too often we laugh and excuse the behavior of our children to the detriment of our children. Children today are coddled and allowed to get away with whatever they desire because parents are irresponsible, lazy, and afraid to confront their responsibility. Parents today always find someone else’s children to compare their children with and then say, “My children are better than theirs so I must be doing okay.” Hogwash! Lovingly discipline your children every time your child exercises his will to disobey you.

Several years ago my wife called me… in tears and distress. She had had enough. Jonathan was continuing to give us fits – in every way. He knew he would earn a spanking and he would still sin. Shelli was at the grocery store with Jonathan (the other two were in school in Georgia) and Jonathan was acting or behaving terribly. After refusing to obey his mother, Shelli pulled her full grocery cart to the side. She pulled Jonathan out of the cart and asked the lady at the check-out line to watch her cart as she would be back in a little while. Shelli drove all the way home, spanked Jonathan, prayed with Jonathan, and then loaded him up and headed back to the grocery store where she resumed and then completed her grocery shopping. Shelli was weary of the constant battle. We both were tired of the battle. However, we did not stop. The spankings, standing in the corner with his nose in a circle, and time out eventually won out as we broke Jonathan’s will (not his spirit) and he finally began to obey the verbal commands or instructions from his parents. Parents are no longer willing to break the will of their children – just like a thoroughbred racing horse. You never break the spirit but you must break the will.

I had a parent tell me, “I’m tired of spanking ______ all of the time.” I replied, “You do not spank all of the time; you spank every time.”  Every single time your child chooses to willfully disobey your instruction, simply obey the Bible. “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” The purpose of discipline is to lovingly change the behavior of your child. Corporal discipline will do just that.

Our liberal society wonders why our society is so messed up. Their hatred of the Bible and refusal to obey the instruction of God’s Word has led to at least two generations that defy today’s blog. Here is what I do know: discipline works! Excusing bad behavior reinforces that a child can do whatever they want to do – there will be bad dividends later on for this irresponsible parenting.

Just consider… do I want to obey God’s way or man’s way? Once you figure out the answer to that question – Do what is right!

Don’t try today; DO today!

Now we are going to move from the realm of the marriage relationship to that of the parent – child relationship. Children are dirty, messy, and expensive. They keep you from doing what you would like to do so you can drive them around to do what they want to do. Children are selfish, demanding, grungy little creatures that destroy your house, your car, and about everything else you hold dear. There. It has been said. Don’t lie; you have thought the same things.

However, children are the neatest things ever to happen to anyone. I love my three children; far from perfect, but pretty much amazing. I may not like yours and I certainly do not expect you to like mine. But I know you love yours just like I do mine.

Children are just so cool. They are always on the lookout for a good time. They eat when they are hungry, sleep when they are tired, and love you unconditionally (especially when they are younger). Make no mistake; however, your children are your responsibility. You are responsible for what they learn and how they act. Children act the way they do because they were taught to act that way.

You know those little children you see in the mall and in restaurants that are just so bad? The ones who throw their food, run all over the place screaming, and make everyone around them miserable? The ones so ill-behaved you just want to jerk them up yourself and take control of the situation? Those children drive me crazy! What I have to remind myself constantly is that the little children are manifesting their sin nature AND their parents are allowing it.

We will talk tomorrow of discipline but for now I will say… not only do those children need corporal punishment BUT a whole lot of parents need it too! It is not the child’s fault he is running around the restaurant screaming like a banshee; it is the parents’ fault. The mom, dad, and child all need to be scolded and reprimanded. Where did the shame go in allowing children to act the way they do today? I have watched and learned this; little children behave exactly the way they are allowed to behave – no better, no worse. They will push the limits.

I surely wish that parents would retake, relearn, and restart their responsibility to set limits and boundaries for their child(ren) to live within, then discipline accordingly when they do not.

Parents, it is time to start being embarrassed by they way you allow your children to behave. Follow along and we will try to give some helpful advice to turn this around.

Don’t try to direct your children; DO direct your children today.

Friendship is just about the only relationship that exists entirely because you want it to. It is not like family; you are stuck with those people no matter what. You cannot rid of them even if you try. Everyone has a “Cousin Eddie” in the family. Just duck your head and deal with it. You do not have a choice. But no one is forcing you to be friends. Friendship is always a choice.

You should not have to work at friendship. Friendships should be easy. If you have to work to make it happen, then really it is not a friendship – it is just someone you hang around with sometimes. Friends just accept you and let you be the way you are. They let you have your good days and your bad days. They allow you to be an idiot. However, a friend will not let you whine. A real friend will kick you in the backside and force you to take responsibility.

You do not need too many friends. Someone said, “If a man has five true friends in his lifetime, that man has been wealthy indeed.” I love my friends. I will do what it takes to help them. Period. No judgment. No questions asked. I think that is what being a friend is all about. And it should come easily.

I say all of the above because others say, “Marriages should be like friendship.” They say you should not have to work at your marriage; it should be easy like friendship. I disagree with this thinking. My wife and I never work at our friendship. We do however work at our marriage every day. Even in the down times when there is a period of difficulty in our marriage, our friendship remains intact. I am so extremely grateful for her friendship.

If you can have a good friend who is your spouse, you are indeed a blessed person. So enjoy your friendship with your spouse and go to work on the marriage. Never stop working on your marriage.

Don’t try today; DO today.

Would you like to know how you can have a better spouse?

Make a list of everything you like/love about your spouse. Be very specific. Then tell your spouse one of the things on the list every day.

Make another list that describes the perfect spouse you would like to have. Become that list. When you become the kind of spouse you would like to have, you will have the kind of spouse you want.

Here are some suggestions:

• Leave your spouse little notes saying how much you love him/her and why.
• Find ways to laugh together.
• Hug more. Gripe less.
• Scope up. Let pettiness go. So the top is off the toothpaste – let is slide.
• Treat your spouse with the same dignity and respect you would a stranger.
• Do the unexpected. Keep the element of surprise alive.

Do something crazy! Some time ago I was leaving to go on a mission trip. Shelli hates it when I leave… even if it is only for a couple days. We were packed up in the car and she was ready to take me to the airport. I said, “Wait a minute.” I ran back inside and took a tube of brand new lipstick. I wrote a cute note in great big letters on the bathroom mirror. I then drew a big heart right where Shelli stands to get ready in the morning. Every day when Shelli was getting ready, there was  a visible reminder that I love her.

In fact, it took weeks for her to ever clean the mirror because it meant so much to her. Do something crazy! She didn’t even get upset that I ruined a brand new tube of lipstick.

Don’t try to become a better spouse; DO become a better spouse – start today.

People require the touch of another person in order to flourish. Babies who are not touched do not develop intellectually or emotionally as well as those who are cuddled and held. The same applies to adults. Any relationship where people do not touch will not flourish either.

Next time you are in an argument with your spouse, make it a rule that you must touch while you are arguing. Seriously! Even if it is just to touch his/her foot with your toe – touch. The touch will keep you connected in some small way.

You need to hold hands, hug, kiss… whatever it takes to stay in physical contact. Why do you think people shake hands when they meet? It establishes a physical bond that can then be built upon. What is the first thing two people are told to do when they are pronounced man and wife? They are told to kiss. It is a physical bond that can then be build upon.

The first thing that usually goes away when a couple has a problem is the physical contact. This is why you must touch in some small way whenever you argue. When you touch there is an exchange of energy and I truly believe that exchange can heal and bond together two separate entities.

Show physical affection to your spouse in order to stay emotionally connected. And remember: affection that comes from a lack of obligation is the sweetest and most meaningful!

Don’t try to show affection today; DO show affection today!

We have all been told that the key to communication is to meet the other person halfway. I do not believe this to be true. What if you travel halfway and the other person only goes a fourth of the way? That still leaves a gap, right? So how far should you go when it comes to establishing open communications? I know – how about all the way? Sorry, not far enough either. I have been in a conversation where I went all the way and my wife decided to turn around and go the other way.

So what is the right answer? As far as it takes. You go as far as it takes to establish open, honest communication. Not halfway, not all the way, but as far as it takes. Just talk and keep talking, even though the communication may be painful. Silence is rarely your friend when trying to establish or maintain or heal a relationship. In conflict, silence is just easier than having a conversation and dealing with the problem. However, when silence becomes too comfortable, you end up becoming more and more distant.

Any time two people get into a relationship there are going to be disagreements. At least I hope so. Say what? Really now, can you imagine a relationship where there are no arguments? Can you imagine what kind of mealy-mouth weaklings those people must be? I do not know who said it but I totally agree with this line, “When two people always agree on everything, one of them is not necessary.”

Passionate people will express themselves. Do you believe in something, anything? Then you will be passionate about it! Never allow your anger or hurt to stay bottled up until it turns into resentment. When you resent your spouse… your relationship begins to die! The Bible clearly instructs us to never let the sun go down upon our wrath. In other words, deal with today’s garbage today. Never revisit yesterday’s garbage – it is foul, stinky, smelly, and unhealthy.

Deal with the issues and then make up. (Sometimes making up can be so much fun you might want to consider starting an argument =)

The key to understanding and dealing with your disagreements is to make them about some thing and not about someone. Personal attacks are cheap shots and only hurt the relationship and can actually make it weaker. Steer clear of name-calling. Do your best not to attack the other person. Even if the other person did something you want to take issue with, make your arguments about what they did and not about who they are.

Remember Monday’s blog – forgiveness! Humbly seek forgiveness and humbly receive forgiveness. Move on once forgiveness has been granted!

Don’t try today; DO today.