Saturday evening Shelli was “exercising” in our bedroom. She was bouncing up and down on this large green ball. I am unsure of the “exercising” part of this hilarious routine of bouncing up and down; but, if it helps Shelli’s self-esteem to know that she exercising, then so be it.
I suddenly hear this blood-curdling scream and then what I witnessed defies all laws of gravity. With one unbelievable move, Shelli went from bouncing on this green ball to under the sheets and wrapped up in a tight cocoon in the middle of our bed – all in one motion. Shelli is screaming, “kill it, kill it, kill it!”
On the green ball was a three inch cockroach! (Thanks to new shoes purchased at Foot Locker, we inherited two cockroaches.) I picked up a shoe, smacked this cockroach, who was paralyzed too from the screaming that was emanating from beneath the comforter, and although the cockroach met his maker, my hand bounced off of the green ball with great authority. This green ball is interesting. I dutifully picked up the dead cockroach and took him to the toilet where he was unceremoniously removed from the premises.
Because the cockroach had touched Shelli’s arm, she had to immediately go take a shower. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the second cockroach make his way from the Foot Locker bag and head for Shelli’s dresser. By now, Jennifer and Jonathan are involved. I pulled the dresser away from the wall and Jonathan shined the flashlight; awe or uggh, there he was on the back leg of the dresser. I handed Jennifer a shoe for each hand and told her as I pulled the other side of Shelli’s dresser away from the wall to smack him.
She was too squeamish and said she could not do it. So, I pulled the other side of the dresser away from the wall and there he was. I smack him good; however, he took off running even though his “innards” was oozing. Jennifer now starts screaming! He disappeared. Now, Shelli was still in the shower and wanted to know what was going on with the commotion she heard from Jennifer and the “smack.”
Jennifer was hysterically laughing at this point (by the way, the same Jennifer who caught the eight inch lizard last week with no fear, is now afraid of a three inch cockroach) and spills the beans to Shelli. Shelli is now all paranoid, tiptoes to the bed and refuses to sleep on her side of the bed. She insists on sleeping with the lights on and the TV on in our bedroom and on my side! Ok, I finally fall asleep only to be awakened by a panicked Shelli around midnight; she saw a shadow, so we had to explore the possibility that the cockroach had come out from hiding. It was not him; nor did we ever determine exactly what the shadow was.
Now it is Sunday; Shelli is terrified to walk around in her own bedroom. We go to church, come home, go back to church, get back home around 10:00 p.m. last night. Shelli walks into our house and informs me that she is now brave and that we have to find that cockroach or she cannot sleep in our house. She tiptoes up the steps; I turn on the light; she looks around and all is clear; she screams for as she looks into our bathroom, THERE HE IS! I grab a shoe; smack him good. He also has been unceremoniously dismissed from this life.
Whew! We were able to sleep with the lights out and TV off. We have had an eight inch lizard and two cockroaches and lots of terrifying screaming. Our neighbors have to be deaf for surely they would have called the police by now! I have not figured it out yet, but surely I can come up with a sermon illustration…